Court date (aka the miserable, horrible, no good, very bad day)

Court. Ugh.

I would rather have a dentist cleaning, an gynecological appointment, and a bunch of shots all on the same day than go to court again.

Basically it is being there at 9am, sitting till 2:30 then being told you can go home. Not being allowed in the room, not being told what it was for, and not in any way contributing to the process. Now imagine that with four kids, two foster parents, and some of the family of said foster children. It. Was. Miserable.

The worst part? I get to do it again in April. And then each month thereafter until Jesus comes back and takes me to a home without the juvenile court system.

The best/worst part was that A's dad, his girlfriend, and his parents showed up. First time he has seen her in 3 years. And of course he goes right into telling me how he wants her to come home, that he just didn't know where she was and couldn't keep track of her. And wanting to know where I live, who I am and exchange phone numbers. Being a first-timer to meeting "the family", I froze. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be giving my information out and my thought process was something like this: they could come to the house unexpected! They could try to get her from school! They could call me and harass us!. 

Sure I might seem paranoid and judgmental but all of those things are very real possibilities when you are responsible for someone's child and they are not happy about it. I ended up telling them the city I lived in and that we would call them if they gave us their phone number. It gave me some space to think.

At the end of the day, A's dad gets visitation rights. I'm supposed to be getting a call from a local business that facilitates the meetings between kids and their family. I'm trying to be positive about this (and with her) but my heart breaks to think of sending A to his home and leaving H on her own. They don't get it yet as they are still in the stages of sisterly rivalry, but they need each other. And if A goes with her dad, they won't grow up together.

Update on the trauma assessment mentioned in this post. It was wonderful! We had a great lady (K I shall refer to her as) who sat down with us and for an hour, just got background information, filled in the timeline and generally talked about the girls family life.  She also called me tonight and we have another family meeting scheduled for next week. I asked her who would be there and I had to be the one to inform her that A's dad came out of the woodwork and he should probably be called. She thought he was in jail! 

Side update: I finally harassed our worker into getting a hold of H's birth certificate and social security card so we could get an official date of birth and last name. DFCS had the wrong last name, wrong birth date, and likely the wrong middle name as well. So now I need to redo all the school paperwork. I'm just so glad I can tell H for 100% certain those rather important pieces of information.

I keep feeling overwhelmingly tired at the end of each day. The kids are asleep by 9pm and before they came, I was going to bed between 10-11pm. Now I hit the pillow at 9 and don't wake up until my alarm goes off at 6:15am. Is this just an adjustment period of going from single to motherhood so quickly?

One Week Mark

It seems like its been both longer and shorter than a whole week since H and A were placed with me. We've all finally gotten into a routine and figured each other out. Now we are at the fun stage of learning to balance everyone's own personalities and expectations.

Updates:

I got a call tonight to set up an appointment to have someone come over and do a trauma assessment. I have no idea what this is and was not even aware that this was expected so getting the phone call this afternoon threw me a little. So pray for the girls tomorrow afternoon as they tell yet another DFCS person their story. So far none of the workers have held even close to a normal conversation with the girls so they aren't exactly warming up to meeting new people in the system. Heck, they don't even bother to learn their names because they know that they don't need to.

We got H's room all set up today. Previously she was using the (very nice) queen blow up bed and also had the crib in her room. Today I disassembled the crib, borrowed a twin bed from my parents, and put the blow up bed away. It is officially her room now.

Last night we ended up with a neighbor girl spending the night. On the one hand, I am so thankful they have someone next door to be friends with, on the other it basically means that I have another 13 year old living with us half the time. She's had dinner with us twice already and possibly is going to church with us tomorrow. At this point, I'm glad my parents raised me to be "the more the merrier" attitude =)

Also, just to prove how wacky your life as a foster kid can be- I had to tell H that not only was she using the wrong last name her whole life, she also is not 13 like her mom told her, she is 14 according to her birth records. She took it well but now she is two years behind in school and I feel like I need to contact the guidance counselor at her school and see if there is anyway we can get her up to at least only a year behind. Tutoring, summer school, working at home more intensely. There has got to be a way to get her back on track. But I guess that all depends on how long she will even be with me.

On another note: I am seriously struggling with deciding if I should let H have access to her Facebook page. I got the official go-ahead from the worker but I see all the pitfalls. Being in contact with her birth family, giving out information that DFCS says isn't allowed, and then just all the normal issues with teens and social media. Am I ready to handle monitoring it? Is she ready to be so restricted on what she can/can't do? Will it place an unnecessary strain on our relationship? I see all those sides. But I also see the good in it too. I see a girl who left behind a lot of friends that she wants to keep in touch with. Who wants to connect online with the new friends she is making and to keep one part of her previous life. I'm just stuck on what it being a good parent looks like in this situation. Any thoughts?