Tuesday, March 25, 2014

How I Met Your Mother

We walked into our team meeting last Wednesday and there she was. The woman I had only seen in a bad quality Facebook picture. The woman who is the mother to my kids. The person I have been dying to meet since I met these wonderful ladies.

And she wouldn't even look at me.

Here is a bit of my background getting into foster care: I was a nanny for quite a few years so the concept of raising a child in tangent with their actual parents is completely normal to me. I am just as passionate about bringing together families as I am about being the home for kids who need me. So to have this woman that I so badly wanted to talk with to start the process of working together as a team ignore me completely was rough. I tried to introduce myself and she turned her back. I tried to speak with her after the meeting to get her number and she wouldn't acknowledge me. 

I admit, I was naive and wasn't prepared for that reaction. I was expecting hostility, or scrutiny, or even curiosity but to be frozen out? Not even on my radar. After all, if your kids were living with someone else, wouldn't you want to have a conversation with that person? I'm not taking it personally, I know she is dealing with a lot of emotions right now and none of them will be positive toward me- but I am anxious to get her involved again with the girls.

I think if I had been told she was coming to the meeting I could have been more prepared (and most definitely prepared the girls) but even though I talked repeatedly with more than one DFCS worker who attended the meeting, I was never told she would be there. 

I'm not going to discuss the specifics of what went on in that meeting. Suffice it to say- the girls are with me for a minimum of 6 months. Visitation will be set up among multiple parents with the suggestion that we also keep the grandparents in contact. Counseling for both girls was recommended and I have the phone number for the mother. 

The strangest part was the girls reaction though. When we got done, neither of them asked when they would see their mom again or anything like that. I've been waiting this whole week to be asked if they can call their mom but they have said NOTHING. We got together with A's dad last Saturday which was good but when I asked A if she wanted to call her dad last night as we were snuggling on the couch- she didn't want to! He called us so I asked her to at least return his phone call. She proceeded to call him and literally say "Hi. Bye. Goodnight" and hung up. 

So instead of dealing with how much contact to allow the various family members- I'm left worrying about how to encourage the girls to WANT to communicate when they seem to have no interest in doing so. At the very least, because no visitation has been arranged with their mom yet, they will be calling her tonight to check in. 

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